


Save the Queen(s) aka Ruvengers

by thecalimack



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Iron Man - All Media Types, RuPaul's Drag Race RPF, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Crossdressing, Crossdressing Kink, Crossover, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Drag Queens, Fluff and Crack, Forced Crossdressing, Gay Male Character, Gay Rights, Humor, M/M, Multi, Other, Polyamory, RuPaul's Drag Race References, Sexual Humor, Threesome - M/M/M, Undercover As Gay, rpdr, stuckony - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-14
Updated: 2016-11-07
Packaged: 2018-08-15 00:39:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8035414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thecalimack/pseuds/thecalimack
Summary: Someone is threatening RuPaul's Empire, and it's up to the Avengers to protect the piece. How?By joining the competition.YASSSSSSSSSSSS!





	1. Planning Her Hand

**Author's Note:**

> Basically, imagine MCU meshed with Drag Race for one episode.
> 
> I am on crack, I swear to god.
> 
> I needed to write this down before I forget it and make it a thing.

"I would just like to say, for the record, that I approve of this plan. I sorely, grimly, approve of this."

Steve glowered at Tony as he pulled on the blouse that looked close to breaking point on his chest. His fantastic physique did not require any more padding in the chest, and it felt weird to have extra mass strapped to his ass. "Are these necessary?"

"Yes, Steven, they are," RuPaul spoke elegantly, perched on a stool by the bar like the sovereign queen she was. "If you want to make this cover look perfect, darling, you must put in the effort. Drag is no joke, my dear." She sipped on a glass of tropical punch through a bendy straw and giggled.

"Why are we doing this again?" Steve asked to the room at large. Natasha was recording it all on her phone while Clint was training his lisp for the contest, yelling Yas Gawd with a very effeminate man Steve couldn't recognize. "With all due respect, Ms. RuPaul, I don't think to go undercover I should join the competition."

"Nonsense!" she implored. She waved a hand at him and grinned. "You must stay close to protect my girls."

"I would need my shield,"

"We will have a purse to fit it in. It isn't that hard to sew, my dear." She finished her glass with a resounding 'Ah'. "Anthony, I love this brew, darling. You must send me the recipe."

"Of course, Mawmaw!" Tony shot back with a grin. Steve hardly saw Tony this enthusiastic, but lately he'd shared his interest in RuPaul's Drag Race with the rest of the team. Said team was admittedly hooked. "Don't worry, Cap. We're sending in back-up. The perfect Drag Star from the Avengers."

"Who?" Clint asked.

Just then, the elevator doors opened, and an elegant woman regaled in green robes graced them with her presence. Her eyes were stark green and her curves were nigh-voluptuous. She cast an unimpressed glance at the entire room, seeing the range of reactions, and yawned against a well-manicured hand. "I was called?"

Clint snarled and pointed a dirty finger at her. "Oh fuck no! I refuse to work with Loki! We've talked about this!"

"I thought you finally got over his mind control of you," Nat reminded him, head tilted ever so slightly.

"I did, which was a lousy five years," he snarled. "No, I refuse to work with this bitch because we all know he'll cheat! I have to sew and he uses magic!"

"I do not need my magic to show you my skill in making finery, peasant," Loki huffed. "And for this mission, it is Sunny La Fey."

"Lauffeyson. Hm, clever," Natasha remarked, pointing the camera her way. Loki grinned and posed. "You're a shoe-in for the competition."

"Naturally." Loki popped his tongue, loud and crisp throughout the whole room. Ru smirked, impressed.

"Excuse you," Tony snarked. "My boy Steve is going to wipe the floor with the rest of them!" Tony flapped a wrist and waltzed over to Steve, sizing him up. "You look like you could laugh your padded ass off. I'm sure we don't need the padding for here."

Steve sighed with relief. "Thank you."

"What? I'm the only one with padding?" Clint groaned.

"Your fault for having a flatter ass," Tony pointed out drily. "Okay, where's Buck and Thor?"

"Marathoning All Stars 2 with Bruce and Thorgy," Natasha supplied for them. "We may as well practice your runway. It's a week before this all starts. And I'm selling this to SHIELD as a behind-the-scenes special order."

"Tony," Steve interjected, voice half-despondent. "Maybe you'd be better at this than I would. I don't know how to act... girly."

"I've heard stories from Bucky," Tony sang.

"Lies, all of them."

"Besides, Steve, I need to be present as a sponsor. I'll be involved but I need to represent Stark Industries."

It made sense, but he didn't like it. Steve, in all his years, never imagined to go undercover as a drag queen. Clint, however, was finally having his dream come true, a dream that was born maybe five months ago and festered since.

But from her own little corner, RuPaul grinned. This was going to be good for ratings, and to help people embrace gay men and drag. Captain Rogers was no stranger to advocating human rights, and with the recent push for equal marriage rights, she felt she could sway him to this cause. This threat against her show and her girls would not scare her. It was just a good thing that Mr. Stark and the Avengers agreed to work with her on the matter.

Because nobody fucks with her family.


	2. Werqing Baby Steps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Clint get rundowns on appearances and runways. Loki doesn't need it because he can technically BE a woman.  
> The Queens discuss skills and assets one would need, as well as settling on the names of their new drag babies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so sorry that I haven't updated. Life was a bitch, but I CAME THRU. SORTA.  
> Please leave comments of your thoughts and suggestions. I need to make this thing work and I need it to finish. You critiques and suggestions will help a lot.

Steve stood stocks till as a woman in a corset prowled around him, judging him from head to toe. "Hm, you won't need a corset, thankfully. You look like a Dorito chip. But you'll need more padding for your ass. It's a great ass, but it's a man's ass."

"Um, thank you?"

The woman turned on her heels to face her associate. "Alaska, how's Clint?"

"Hold on, we're trying on wigs." Alaska pulled on the edges of the lace to fit Clint's cropped hair, and Clint whipped it back and forth. "Where did you get these wigs, by the way?"

"There was a mission at Guatemala," he began, and jumped when Natasha kicked his boot. "Hey! It was a good mission."

"Until you almost blew Phil's cover in the middle of a raid," Natasha answered dryly. Clint looked to Phil for support, but the man pointedly ignored him in favor of his paperwork. "And then there was that time in Vegas."

"Vegas was great!"

"Until you tripped a drag queen off-stage for beating you for second place," she added, making Alaska snort. "On a pole-dancing competition. The man's a sore loser. Trust me, you're going to get ratings with this asshole."

"It isn't my company," Alaska reminded. "But I trust Ru would be pleased."

Just then, the elevator doors dinged, and as they waited for whoever came in, they saw a purse come into view. A sassy black woman with hair taller than Clint's head waltzed into the room with the swagger of a woman from Vogue. "Okay, who needs to work on their runway walk?" she pointedly asked, though she looked between Alaska and Violet. "Wow, we have a full team to teach two needy drag babies? Who's Stark pimpin'?"

"My boyfriend and my evil twin," Tony answered as he joined them from the elevator. "Bob, meet my boyfriend Steve. Over there on the couch is my evil twin."

Bob approached Steve and shook his hand. "Captain America! So you're Tony's beau?"

"Yes."

"My condolences." Natasha snorted while Barton choked on a laugh. "I hear you're one of two, though."

Unphased, Steve asked her, "Is that public knowledge?"

"Someone tweeted me a photo."

"Excuse me?!" Tony snapped. "Okay, who tweeted my private life?" Natasha shamelessly raised her hand. "I thought we had protocols against that. Why would you do that? Which picture was it?"

"It's just for the fandom," she answered. She raised her phone and showed them all a photo of Steve, Tony, and Bucky cuddling udner the sheets. "People are voting if Steve is for Team Stark or Team Bucky. It's surprisingly fifty-fifty, if you ignore the ones fixing him with everyone else. Then there's the vast minority putting him in our favorite threesome."

"That's rather close," Steve remarked, freezing when he felt a hand on his ass. Violet was measuring out his waist with a tape measure. "I'm sorry, what--"

"We need to get the proportions of your ass right," she explained matter-of-factly. "Or it'll look sloppy. Remember Season 8."

"That was just one of us. And one episode," Bob pointed out dryly. "Now, once we're done here, we're going to Stark's Stripper Room to practice our walk. I hope you bitches know how to work in heels."

Steve felt he could do it.

 

*

 

Sadly, Steve overestimated his abilities. Clint had more experience and walked with ease, practically gliding across the floor. Steve had a harder time but learned quickly. He also had a newfound respect for a woman in heels. "Well, this is something."

"You two learn quick," Bob praised, grinning. "But now you need to pose for the camera, work whatever you'll be wearing on the runway each week."

"How do we do that?"

"Ever been to a photo shoot? It's like that only fiercer."

"Fierce?" Steve asked.

"Like know that you look amazing in your clothes, that you look amazing, period. Pout, angles, show it all and then some."

"Be sassy," Clint supplied, like a man with the wisdom of a thousand years.

"Maybe I should watch more videos," Steve muttered as he clicked his high heels against the tiles. "It might take a bit more to get this right."

"Watch mine, honey," Bob suggested. "And maybe Chachki's. That bitch can work a runway. And remember, you can play with your outfit. It's practically a rule."

"Guess all we need to do now is to make sure we know how to sew." Clint was already going through ideas for his outfits, but he knew Ru would throw damn curveballs every week. He was going to have to keep his mind open and learn every technique imaginable.

Unless Stark was rigging the sewing competition. But Clint was too proud to let him do that.

"I think I can make dresses better than I can walk in heels." Steve stared down at his feet and clicked his heels twice. "I could probably make a good Dorothy."

Bob clicked his tongue. "Damn, you're a precious little cupcake, aren't you?"

 

*

 

Loki was in the sewing room, putting on final touches on an elegant green gown when they came in. It looked finely woven, thin gold streaks draping along the garment and a built-in corset to hold it in place. Loki, with a flourish, put it on, and it looked marvelous. Clint and Steve saw the final look and absolutely gagged.

"You're going to enter the workroom in that?"

Loki preened over his shoulder, giving Clint a challenging look. "No, this is for my victory when I am to be handed the title of Queen."

Clint was fuming, but Steve put a hand on his shoulder to steady him and shot a glare at Loki, who pretended not to notice. "Enough, you two. We're supposed to be working together to disable a threat, not fight each other over a crown."

"It's a rather pretty crown," Loki crowed, sashaying to a suitcase to check his supplies. "I'll need more fabric. We better remind Stark that we'll have to acquire some more. I can only imagine how little they have in the workroom."

"I thought most of their stuff are from the workroom?" Steve wondered.

"Steve, haven't you seen their cases? They're enormous!" Clint was already moving to grab a sketchbook when Bob walked in, Alaska, Violet, and Alyssa Edwards trailing in behind them. "Oh good, we can get started."

"Workshop first, hunty," Alaska drawled. "To win this competition, you need style and personality."

"Attention to detail," Violet added.

"Proper padding," Bob pitched in.

"And dance outfits to change into should you need to change clothes. Not every runway look is good for dancin'." Alyssa punctuated her sentence with a tongue pop before adjusting her lion's mane headdress. "We're gonna have to get you all the basics before we can even pray to God for a miracle."

"I worship Satan, is that okay?"

Alyssa gave Bob a look before pointing a nasty finger out the door. "OUT OF MY HAUS, YOU NASTY BITCH."

Cackling, Bob took a seat of her own. "Pretty sure we have to worship Stark in this house."

"She's not wrong," Clint muttered, earning a glare from Steve. "What? You worship him in the bedroom, don't you?"

"Oh, do tell!" Alaska sat down next to Clint, poised to listen. "So what's it like?"

Steve did his best not to stammer, but he failed miserablya s all eyes fixed on him. "I-I'm not going to kiss and tell."

"Oh, he must be good."

"They flip-flop," Clint supplied, with so little shame that Loki upended him for the good Captain. "Hey!"

"Not everything should be mentioned, Eye of Hawk. And have you two decided on names yet? A name can be quite powerful."

"I'm Katniss Le Quiver." Loki, to his credit, got the joke and resisted the urge to snort. But oh, did his lip twitch. "It's a pretty sexy name."

"Sad to know your sex appeal will be lacking in a dress."

"Excuse you! I'd make a pretty woman. Ask Phil!"

"I heard the room was rather dark."

"...I hate you."

"Perhaps you'll have better news to offer tomorrow. Captain? What of you?"

"I was thinking of Dolores Spangles."

Bob shook her head. "Nah, too much of a mouthful. Let's go for Lady Spangles."

"It's a fitting name," Loki agreed.

"Lady Spangles..." Alyssa said the name slowly, testing it out on her tongue with a reverence. "Yes, qween. Lady Spangles! Oh, I love it, gurl!"

"CUM THRU MAWMA!" Violet cheered, raising Steve's hand in victory. "A qween is born! Lady Spangles!"

"YAS GAWD!" Alaska pulled off her wig and crowned Steve with it. "We welcome you to the family, Lady Spangles!"

Steve gave a loud ovation while Loki sat back and clapped, appraising the dumbfounded Steve and his borrowed wig. The man was a little overwhelmed for being welcomed as a crossdresser but he'd hardly felt a warmer welcome than this, aside maybe from his own team. And maybe his mother. And for a moment, he felt more conviction, more determination, to succeed in this. And he could see how the show was such a hit. It wasn't just the drama. It was how the community embraced anyone so willingly.

With a shuddering breath, Steve breathed out, and surprised everyone with his very first tongue pop. "Hallelu, how do you...do?"

There was a beat of silence before the room erupted in cheers. Yes, Steve could do this. And maybe even win.

**Author's Note:**

> Please give me Drag Names for Clint and Steve. I NEED THEM.  
> Also, we need drag villains. Help me come up with some.
> 
> Talk to me on [Tumblr](http://thecalimack.tumblr.com) and [Twitter](http://twitter.com/TheCaliMack). I'll post the links to these sites soon.


End file.
